yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
