oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
