So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
