you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize