I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
