please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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