we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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