remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
