What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
