I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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