I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
