part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
