what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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