we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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