i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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