what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
