it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
