OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
