my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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