Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
