Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
