Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
