I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
