The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
