So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
