He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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