Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how drunk are you?
Several
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
