You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
