Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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