Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize