Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
