I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
