apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
