so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
