i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
