i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
