i was born a porn star she said
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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