Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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