We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
