Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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