We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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