So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
