I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
