Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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