i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
