Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
