Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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