I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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