I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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