I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
