She's JV to your varsity
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sext me about skeletons
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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