You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
