i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize