how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
