i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
