A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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