Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
