hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
