I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
