he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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