the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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