is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Still dying that you shit outside
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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