Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
