On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
