she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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