I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
