Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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