What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
