In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
