I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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