i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
