Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
