she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
