turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
