i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
