just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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