just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize