it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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