i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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