Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
